Citizen Dildo
Citizen Dildo Porn Review Blog Issue #1 (A Tutorial)

The title says it all. I will not drone on about what my qualifications are, but trust me when I say they are plentiful. Basically I watch porn all the time and I think it’s fun and goofy to talk about it and review it so I started this log. I will post my musings on the porn industry and adult videos that I watch and of course jerk-off to. I will critique everything from homemade RedTube stuff to AVN award winning smut. Since this is the first post on my porn page I will just go over some of the borderline fun and definitely un-sexy things that will be happening here.

The first thing that must be known is that I will be grading everything by using an intricate system of Tissue Boxes as points. For instance a great performance or movie will receive an impressive 5 out of 5 tissue boxes, meaning that I was sporting a healthy erection the entire time. i.e. “I laughed, I cried, I jerked-off. 5 out out 5 tissue boxes!” Conversely, a film that was terrible or a very uninspired performance will receive a woeful 0 out of 5 tissue boxes. I will distribute tissue boxes based on a number of elements that will be explained in the actual post and trust me these tissue boxes will have to be earned.

There will also be sections called Morning Wood and The Weekly Erection. The Morning Wood section will give you a little known porn fact or term for your burning little mind to have fun with. The Weekly Erection will spotlight my favorite pornstar, scene, or even position of the week. Kind of like ESPN Sportscenter Webgems, but for sex.

Now I know this first post has been boring and has contained really nothing other than references to my masturbation habits but stick with me (pun intended). Some of the best things in this world start with a nice and easy tutorial.

My first review will be of Batman XXX: A Porn Parody. Directed by Axel Braun (director of This Ain’t Star Trek XXX2). I find it funny that porn movies are all campy and basically terrible to begin with, but they still feel the need to do parodies. Randy Spears as The Joker, finally! Review coming soon…

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